We are almost complete with our home study. We have started receiving e-mails from our social worker Lindsey and we are so excited about what God has been doing.
In the United States, with the agency we are using, this is how it works:
1. Complete the home study--which has been about a 3 month long project
2. Start filling out paperwork for grants, etc.
3. Create a profile book--which is a book about your family, interests, what we do on a day to day basis and it ends with a letter to the expectant mom and dad that we write.
4. We are waiting for the rest of our profile books to print and then we give those to Lindsey, who then (with our permission on each case) will send them to the mom and dad of the baby. Then mom and dad look at 5-6 profile books and decide who they want to be the adoptive parents of their child. We find out the exact cost (as it differs slightly with each case depending on lawyer feeds, expenses for a mom who doesn't have medical care or who isn't being provided for by the father of the child, agency fees, etc.)
The e-mails we get are a basic, confidential profile stating the age of mom and dad and involvement of parents in the process. Some immediately state that they will give up their parental rights, whereas others say, dad might want to parent, mom knows she can't. It's so complicated and it's difficult because I just want to pour my heart into the first e-mail I got for parents and say, "US, US!!! PICK US!" but obviously, that's just not how it is.
At first, it was easy to look at mom and dad as just the biological DNA, but as we continue on, I am reminded that these parents are faced with the hardest decision of their lives and each one of them has a soul. Each one has a life, dreams, goals, hopes and desires for their lives. Some are going back to school and just know they can't handle it. Others may not have as great as ambitions, but at the end of the day, they go to sleep every night hoping that the next day is better, they'll get more done and they will do the best they can with what they have.
So much has changed since we began. A couple weeks ago, we were gender specific, on a female, based on the fact that Graycie is the only girl on both sides of the family thus far. We only wanted a distant adoption, so there would be no fear involved of a mom or dad showing up on the doorstep saying, "can I just come and see..." etc. I have had somewhat of a closed hand on the subject of what I am comfortable with. We were encouraged to open our scope from just girls to the unknown, and agreed that we never chose that Graycie was a girl and Carter was a boy, but that God knew that while he formed them in my womb. So, why now try to force his hand in that?
We were recently faced with a decision of a local adoption as well and I felt that God was asking me, "Is this about you and your comfort level, or is this about me? Do you trust me or not?" It's somewhat scary, but I often wonder how much do I make decisions out of what my heart is comfortable with? I often hide behind self-preservation, acting as if it's just utilizing discernment, when really, is it? I have found that it could be, but lately it hasn't been the discernment, but a fear of getting hurt. A fear of attaching to a child and being so afraid that someone will want our baby back. A fear that I won't be able to recover from a broken heart. There are obvious things we would do with a local adoption in the spirit of wisdom, but have felt that I need to trust in Him more and more and this seems to be the platform He is using to challenge those beliefs and patterns of preservation of mine.
So, at this point, I have no idea what is going to happen, what we will get or when. All I know is I want to be a mommy to a child and show them a good family where it is safe and there is love and protection. I am excited for my children to meet their new sibling...and Carter, now has indicated that he has a little brother he is taking with him everywhere, which is a yellow elephant. We'll have to discuss the issue of pulling siblings by the ears, but that should be easy. The elephant's name is, "Elephant" and I'm making the executive decision right now, that baby's name will not be "Baby."
We are so good, so blessed and encouraged by the continued support through prayer, support from the random checks in the mail with notes encouraging us in this 'mission field' we are on, and the people who literally have come out of the woodwork of crazy stories of their own families who have adopted.
Thank you so much. melanie & james
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