We are almost complete with our home study. We have started receiving e-mails from our social worker Lindsey and we are so excited about what God has been doing.
In the United States, with the agency we are using, this is how it works:
1. Complete the home study--which has been about a 3 month long project
2. Start filling out paperwork for grants, etc.
3. Create a profile book--which is a book about your family, interests, what we do on a day to day basis and it ends with a letter to the expectant mom and dad that we write.
4. We are waiting for the rest of our profile books to print and then we give those to Lindsey, who then (with our permission on each case) will send them to the mom and dad of the baby. Then mom and dad look at 5-6 profile books and decide who they want to be the adoptive parents of their child. We find out the exact cost (as it differs slightly with each case depending on lawyer feeds, expenses for a mom who doesn't have medical care or who isn't being provided for by the father of the child, agency fees, etc.)
The e-mails we get are a basic, confidential profile stating the age of mom and dad and involvement of parents in the process. Some immediately state that they will give up their parental rights, whereas others say, dad might want to parent, mom knows she can't. It's so complicated and it's difficult because I just want to pour my heart into the first e-mail I got for parents and say, "US, US!!! PICK US!" but obviously, that's just not how it is.
At first, it was easy to look at mom and dad as just the biological DNA, but as we continue on, I am reminded that these parents are faced with the hardest decision of their lives and each one of them has a soul. Each one has a life, dreams, goals, hopes and desires for their lives. Some are going back to school and just know they can't handle it. Others may not have as great as ambitions, but at the end of the day, they go to sleep every night hoping that the next day is better, they'll get more done and they will do the best they can with what they have.
So much has changed since we began. A couple weeks ago, we were gender specific, on a female, based on the fact that Graycie is the only girl on both sides of the family thus far. We only wanted a distant adoption, so there would be no fear involved of a mom or dad showing up on the doorstep saying, "can I just come and see..." etc. I have had somewhat of a closed hand on the subject of what I am comfortable with. We were encouraged to open our scope from just girls to the unknown, and agreed that we never chose that Graycie was a girl and Carter was a boy, but that God knew that while he formed them in my womb. So, why now try to force his hand in that?
We were recently faced with a decision of a local adoption as well and I felt that God was asking me, "Is this about you and your comfort level, or is this about me? Do you trust me or not?" It's somewhat scary, but I often wonder how much do I make decisions out of what my heart is comfortable with? I often hide behind self-preservation, acting as if it's just utilizing discernment, when really, is it? I have found that it could be, but lately it hasn't been the discernment, but a fear of getting hurt. A fear of attaching to a child and being so afraid that someone will want our baby back. A fear that I won't be able to recover from a broken heart. There are obvious things we would do with a local adoption in the spirit of wisdom, but have felt that I need to trust in Him more and more and this seems to be the platform He is using to challenge those beliefs and patterns of preservation of mine.
So, at this point, I have no idea what is going to happen, what we will get or when. All I know is I want to be a mommy to a child and show them a good family where it is safe and there is love and protection. I am excited for my children to meet their new sibling...and Carter, now has indicated that he has a little brother he is taking with him everywhere, which is a yellow elephant. We'll have to discuss the issue of pulling siblings by the ears, but that should be easy. The elephant's name is, "Elephant" and I'm making the executive decision right now, that baby's name will not be "Baby."
We are so good, so blessed and encouraged by the continued support through prayer, support from the random checks in the mail with notes encouraging us in this 'mission field' we are on, and the people who literally have come out of the woodwork of crazy stories of their own families who have adopted.
Thank you so much. melanie & james
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Words can't describe what words can't describe...
Well, if you have read James' post, this might seem a little redundant. Last Tuesday, both of us were hitting brick walls in this process. What I thought was going to go through, wasn't and the way it "was supposed to happen" wasn't happening. I took last Tuesday afternoon to be quiet, read and realize that I wasn't seeking the Lord as my refuge, or safe place amidst the chaos. I was seeking financial security and affirmation, or a pat on the back, from those around me to push forward. The problem with that, is money comes and goes and all belongs to God--so it means little. Second, as much as I might want someone's approval, it amounts to nothing and it doesn't really matter whether critics and cynics agree.
I have been insecure that we are going about it the wrong way and maybe we should have waited for the house to sell, or for the savings to be full, or to not feel overwhelmed anymore. The only thing about relying solely on pragmatic thinking, is that it leaves little room for faith--and unfortunately, I have a tendency to do everything on my to do list and try and take credit for God's handiwork.
Last Wednesday, someone handed James a recycled envelope with the once intended recipient crossed out and our names written in ballpoint pen. It was a check for $10,000 for the adoption. Because I never have the appropriate response (it seems like my emotions are always about a week behind) I sat there stunned while James wept for joy.
I insisted that James call this person, and he did. The person simply said that he felt the Lord leading him to get rid of some money and he wanted to help us with the adoption. He only requested to remain anonymous because he wanted God alone to receive the glory.
It makes 'sense' for someone with a great job, or for a retired person to gift someone something like that, but not a young person in their twenties. I am also humbled by all the others who have decided to move forward in the One of 2 fundraiser as well. James and I joked that this sort of stuff happens to good people and so we're not really sure why we are in the middle of it. I'm struck by God's grace and mercy and am convinced that it confirms that God uses fools sometimes to complete his will.
We met with the social worker on Friday to go through the last parts of our home study and to talk about the remainder of the process. I asked if it was about 4-6 months away from the actual placement and she stated that it could be closer than that!
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We appreciate every bit of it and absolutely feel that we're living in Acts 2. Our pastor asked us to share briefly yesterday at church about this story. When we were through, our missional community surrounded us and the leader prayed. I love the image of these people surrounding us in this and know that the circle is much bigger than what was at the front of the church yesterday. I feel that my level of gratitude cannot be expressed anymore because words can't describe what words can't describe. m
I have been insecure that we are going about it the wrong way and maybe we should have waited for the house to sell, or for the savings to be full, or to not feel overwhelmed anymore. The only thing about relying solely on pragmatic thinking, is that it leaves little room for faith--and unfortunately, I have a tendency to do everything on my to do list and try and take credit for God's handiwork.
Last Wednesday, someone handed James a recycled envelope with the once intended recipient crossed out and our names written in ballpoint pen. It was a check for $10,000 for the adoption. Because I never have the appropriate response (it seems like my emotions are always about a week behind) I sat there stunned while James wept for joy.
I insisted that James call this person, and he did. The person simply said that he felt the Lord leading him to get rid of some money and he wanted to help us with the adoption. He only requested to remain anonymous because he wanted God alone to receive the glory.
It makes 'sense' for someone with a great job, or for a retired person to gift someone something like that, but not a young person in their twenties. I am also humbled by all the others who have decided to move forward in the One of 2 fundraiser as well. James and I joked that this sort of stuff happens to good people and so we're not really sure why we are in the middle of it. I'm struck by God's grace and mercy and am convinced that it confirms that God uses fools sometimes to complete his will.
We met with the social worker on Friday to go through the last parts of our home study and to talk about the remainder of the process. I asked if it was about 4-6 months away from the actual placement and she stated that it could be closer than that!
Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We appreciate every bit of it and absolutely feel that we're living in Acts 2. Our pastor asked us to share briefly yesterday at church about this story. When we were through, our missional community surrounded us and the leader prayed. I love the image of these people surrounding us in this and know that the circle is much bigger than what was at the front of the church yesterday. I feel that my level of gratitude cannot be expressed anymore because words can't describe what words can't describe. m
Thursday, November 4, 2010
As a "believer" I have lived in such an unbelieving way! (A Note from James)
Mel asked me to join her in blogging about our adoption. I have been telling myself I need to get after it and get it done. In light of some recent events I was moved to write last night and we decided to post that here! I am not sure why but I also feel compelled to say that I am as excited for this adoption as Mel is and we are in this 100% together as a family! This is my heart from last night!
I don't even know where to begin, so I will just start by saying this is my heart and I just want to write what I know to be true! I am well aware of those who would say what I believe is untrue and some would say that what I believe is weird and out there, and others would say well it works for you, but not for me! I understand. I am not going to get into all the arguments and things like that. However what I do want to do is give glory and credit where credit is due. I am reminded of something the Bible says "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
The reason I am writing this is to tell a little bit of the story of my life and how God has absolutely changed my life, he has given me a new heart, and only God has the power to change the human heart! I know that God has changed my heart and continues to change my heart through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I am the kind of guy who is always working an angle, selfish, self centered, self obsessed, always thinking how my next move can benefit me. If you knew me before you would know that I was even worse, praise God for the work He has already done in my heart! Philippians 1:6 says And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ! Even today I need to recognize how selfish I can be! I hate to say it but if you only knew!! By the grace of God and Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross I am forgiven and righteous before God the Father! It is important for me to tell you that I don't deserve it, that's what makes it grace! I also should add that there is much more than just selfishness going on in my life as a broken man trying to rest in what Christ has done!
I say all this to show that God is faithful to the faithless, I have been realizing that when I have fear, or anxiety, or worry, I am not resting in the fact that God is my provider! I am not believing that He can do all things! My wife and I have been praying through and talking about adoption ever since I selfishly bullied her into being "OK" with me getting a vasectomy. I did not want any more kids as 2 was plenty! Not realizing that as a woman, my wifes desire to be a mom and love and nurture our children and have children was not a bad thing, it was written on her heart by God, and I selfishly took that away! My heart breaks for the moms who want to stay home with their children and can't b/c choices have been made. I often wonder if some of these women were asked, when their kids are all grown and living their lives, if they could have it to do all over again would they do it differently? I can't even begin to tell you the change I saw in my children when Mel started staying home with them! And the relationship she has with them today! No amount of money in the work place could compensate for what she does in our home! I want to publicly say that my wife is the pulse of our family, 2nd only to Jesus!
So when we talked with another couple who was adopting, they told us their story of how God had been moving in their life and their adoption, I began to cry as a realized there was redemption. I knew in my heart that God had just shown me a way to redeem what I had taken away from Mel! Some time passed and God continued to change our hearts, when Mel talked with me and we decided to move forward and adopt! I am sure that I am missing some details and that Mel would be happy to fill them in! We then started to go through the process and we got 1/2 way through the home study when we got the first bill $1400. Well needless to say the doubt set in and we were hit with unbelief. Did we make a mistake? Are we sure this is the right thing? This is only the 1st payment, if we can't make this how are we going to do the rest? Discouraged is an understatement! I was having a bad day and so was Mel! I spoke with Pastor Brett and realized that I was not trusting in God as our provider! I also forgot that all the money on this planet happens to be Gods, yup even the money in your pocket! LOL, I believe that now! By the end of the day Mel and I decided that we would trust in God in this adoption and that what we were doing was the right thing as we were going to give a child a chance to have a forever family and a shot at being loved by a mommy who was created by God to love her and love her well with a love that she sees in Jesus Christ!
Last night we took time to talk and pray to the God of the Bible, and then today we had what looked like a normal day until we were absolutely blown away by God and His amazing generosity! I was given an envelope and all he said was "I just wanted to help you guys with your adoption!" I was like "hey thanks man" and I put it in my pocket. When Mel got home I said hey we got an envelope from_______ and I opened it! The first thing I looked at was the amount in the little box. $10,000.00 I looked at Mel and said this is not real, I have to admit that there was part of me that was upset that he would do something like this! It is amazing how fast thoughts can go through your mind. I then checked the print in case there was just a misplaced coma or decibel point. Ten thousand dollars! I started to weep as I realized that God had just answered our prayer in a way that only the Creator of all things could! I was then reminded of something I have heard " who are we that you are mindful of us?" So I called him and he very politely said that God had been putting on his heart that he should get rid of some money and he wanted to help us out! He later sent a text that said, "Hey all I ask is that you don't tell people that I gave you money because I don't want a bunch of praise or anything like that. To God alone be the glory." TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY! I have heard stories like these but it is usually people who have 10 X's the faith that I have! But I guess that depends on how you define faith! I don't think it has anything to do with "leap of" I think God defines it in his scriptures. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
I BELIEVE!
If more people loved like Jesus Christ imagine what the world would look like!
I apologize to all that my life has not always looked like a life lived for Jesus who shed His blood for me! But by His grace and mercy I will continue to grow into the man he created me to be!
Have Faith! Love like Jesus!
I don't even know where to begin, so I will just start by saying this is my heart and I just want to write what I know to be true! I am well aware of those who would say what I believe is untrue and some would say that what I believe is weird and out there, and others would say well it works for you, but not for me! I understand. I am not going to get into all the arguments and things like that. However what I do want to do is give glory and credit where credit is due. I am reminded of something the Bible says "If God is for us, who can be against us?"
The reason I am writing this is to tell a little bit of the story of my life and how God has absolutely changed my life, he has given me a new heart, and only God has the power to change the human heart! I know that God has changed my heart and continues to change my heart through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I am the kind of guy who is always working an angle, selfish, self centered, self obsessed, always thinking how my next move can benefit me. If you knew me before you would know that I was even worse, praise God for the work He has already done in my heart! Philippians 1:6 says And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ! Even today I need to recognize how selfish I can be! I hate to say it but if you only knew!! By the grace of God and Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross I am forgiven and righteous before God the Father! It is important for me to tell you that I don't deserve it, that's what makes it grace! I also should add that there is much more than just selfishness going on in my life as a broken man trying to rest in what Christ has done!
I say all this to show that God is faithful to the faithless, I have been realizing that when I have fear, or anxiety, or worry, I am not resting in the fact that God is my provider! I am not believing that He can do all things! My wife and I have been praying through and talking about adoption ever since I selfishly bullied her into being "OK" with me getting a vasectomy. I did not want any more kids as 2 was plenty! Not realizing that as a woman, my wifes desire to be a mom and love and nurture our children and have children was not a bad thing, it was written on her heart by God, and I selfishly took that away! My heart breaks for the moms who want to stay home with their children and can't b/c choices have been made. I often wonder if some of these women were asked, when their kids are all grown and living their lives, if they could have it to do all over again would they do it differently? I can't even begin to tell you the change I saw in my children when Mel started staying home with them! And the relationship she has with them today! No amount of money in the work place could compensate for what she does in our home! I want to publicly say that my wife is the pulse of our family, 2nd only to Jesus!
So when we talked with another couple who was adopting, they told us their story of how God had been moving in their life and their adoption, I began to cry as a realized there was redemption. I knew in my heart that God had just shown me a way to redeem what I had taken away from Mel! Some time passed and God continued to change our hearts, when Mel talked with me and we decided to move forward and adopt! I am sure that I am missing some details and that Mel would be happy to fill them in! We then started to go through the process and we got 1/2 way through the home study when we got the first bill $1400. Well needless to say the doubt set in and we were hit with unbelief. Did we make a mistake? Are we sure this is the right thing? This is only the 1st payment, if we can't make this how are we going to do the rest? Discouraged is an understatement! I was having a bad day and so was Mel! I spoke with Pastor Brett and realized that I was not trusting in God as our provider! I also forgot that all the money on this planet happens to be Gods, yup even the money in your pocket! LOL, I believe that now! By the end of the day Mel and I decided that we would trust in God in this adoption and that what we were doing was the right thing as we were going to give a child a chance to have a forever family and a shot at being loved by a mommy who was created by God to love her and love her well with a love that she sees in Jesus Christ!
Last night we took time to talk and pray to the God of the Bible, and then today we had what looked like a normal day until we were absolutely blown away by God and His amazing generosity! I was given an envelope and all he said was "I just wanted to help you guys with your adoption!" I was like "hey thanks man" and I put it in my pocket. When Mel got home I said hey we got an envelope from_______ and I opened it! The first thing I looked at was the amount in the little box. $10,000.00 I looked at Mel and said this is not real, I have to admit that there was part of me that was upset that he would do something like this! It is amazing how fast thoughts can go through your mind. I then checked the print in case there was just a misplaced coma or decibel point. Ten thousand dollars! I started to weep as I realized that God had just answered our prayer in a way that only the Creator of all things could! I was then reminded of something I have heard " who are we that you are mindful of us?" So I called him and he very politely said that God had been putting on his heart that he should get rid of some money and he wanted to help us out! He later sent a text that said, "Hey all I ask is that you don't tell people that I gave you money because I don't want a bunch of praise or anything like that. To God alone be the glory." TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY! I have heard stories like these but it is usually people who have 10 X's the faith that I have! But I guess that depends on how you define faith! I don't think it has anything to do with "leap of" I think God defines it in his scriptures. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
I BELIEVE!
If more people loved like Jesus Christ imagine what the world would look like!
I apologize to all that my life has not always looked like a life lived for Jesus who shed His blood for me! But by His grace and mercy I will continue to grow into the man he created me to be!
Have Faith! Love like Jesus!
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