Words can't describe what words can't describe...

Well, if you have read James' post, this might seem a little redundant. Last Tuesday, both of us were hitting brick walls in this process. What I thought was going to go through, wasn't and the way it "was supposed to happen" wasn't happening. I took last Tuesday afternoon to be quiet, read and realize that I wasn't seeking the Lord as my refuge, or safe place amidst the chaos. I was seeking financial security and affirmation, or a pat on the back, from those around me to push forward. The problem with that, is money comes and goes and all belongs to God--so it means little. Second, as much as I might want someone's approval, it amounts to nothing and it doesn't really matter whether critics and cynics agree.

I have been insecure that we are going about it the wrong way and maybe we should have waited for the house to sell, or for the savings to be full, or to not feel overwhelmed anymore. The only thing about relying solely on pragmatic thinking, is that it leaves little room for faith--and unfortunately, I have a tendency to do everything on my to do list and try and take credit for God's handiwork.

Last Wednesday, someone handed James a recycled envelope with the once intended recipient crossed out and our names written in ballpoint pen. It was a check for $10,000 for the adoption. Because I never have the appropriate response (it seems like my emotions are always about a week behind) I sat there stunned while James wept for joy.

I insisted that James call this person, and he did. The person simply said that he felt the Lord leading him to get rid of some money and he wanted to help us with the adoption. He only requested to remain anonymous because he wanted God alone to receive the glory.

It makes 'sense' for someone with a great job, or for a retired person to gift someone something like that, but not a young person in their twenties. I am also humbled by all the others who have decided to move forward in the One of 2 fundraiser as well. James and I joked that this sort of stuff happens to good people and so we're not really sure why we are in the middle of it. I'm struck by God's grace and mercy and am convinced that it confirms that God uses fools sometimes to complete his will.

We met with the social worker on Friday to go through the last parts of our home study and to talk about the remainder of the process. I asked if it was about 4-6 months away from the actual placement and she stated that it could be closer than that!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We appreciate every bit of it and absolutely feel that we're living in Acts 2. Our pastor asked us to share briefly yesterday at church about this story. When we were through, our missional community surrounded us and the leader prayed. I love the image of these people surrounding us in this and know that the circle is much bigger than what was at the front of the church yesterday. I feel that my level of gratitude cannot be expressed anymore because words can't describe what words can't describe. m