As a "believer" I have lived in such an unbelieving way! (A Note from James)

Mel asked me to join her in blogging about our adoption. I have been telling myself I need to get after it and get it done. In light of some recent events I was moved to write last night and we decided to post that here! I am not sure why but I also feel compelled to say that I am as excited for this adoption as Mel is and we are in this 100% together as a family! This is my heart from last night!

I don't even know where to begin, so I will just start by saying this is my heart and I just want to write what I know to be true! I am well aware of those who would say what I believe is untrue and some would say that what I believe is weird and out there, and others would say well it works for you, but not for me! I understand. I am not going to get into all the arguments and things like that. However what I do want to do is give glory and credit where credit is due. I am reminded of something the Bible says "If God is for us, who can be against us?"



The reason I am writing this is to tell a little bit of the story of my life and how God has absolutely changed my life, he has given me a new heart, and only God has the power to change the human heart! I know that God has changed my heart and continues to change my heart through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I am the kind of guy who is always working an angle, selfish, self centered, self obsessed, always thinking how my next move can benefit me. If you knew me before you would know that I was even worse, praise God for the work He has already done in my heart! Philippians 1:6 says And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ! Even today I need to recognize how selfish I can be! I hate to say it but if you only knew!! By the grace of God and Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross I am forgiven and righteous before God the Father! It is important for me to tell you that I don't deserve it, that's what makes it grace! I also should add that there is much more than just selfishness going on in my life as a broken man trying to rest in what Christ has done!



I say all this to show that God is faithful to the faithless, I have been realizing that when I have fear, or anxiety, or worry, I am not resting in the fact that God is my provider! I am not believing that He can do all things! My wife and I have been praying through and talking about adoption ever since I selfishly bullied her into being "OK" with me getting a vasectomy. I did not want any more kids as 2 was plenty! Not realizing that as a woman, my wifes desire to be a mom and love and nurture our children and have children was not a bad thing, it was written on her heart by God, and I selfishly took that away! My heart breaks for the moms who want to stay home with their children and can't b/c choices have been made. I often wonder if some of these women were asked, when their kids are all grown and living their lives, if they could have it to do all over again would they do it differently? I can't even begin to tell you the change I saw in my children when Mel started staying home with them! And the relationship she has with them today! No amount of money in the work place could compensate for what she does in our home! I want to publicly say that my wife is the pulse of our family, 2nd only to Jesus!



So when we talked with another couple who was adopting, they told us their story of how God had been moving in their life and their adoption, I began to cry as a realized there was redemption. I knew in my heart that God had just shown me a way to redeem what I had taken away from Mel! Some time passed and God continued to change our hearts, when Mel talked with me and we decided to move forward and adopt! I am sure that I am missing some details and that Mel would be happy to fill them in! We then started to go through the process and we got 1/2 way through the home study when we got the first bill $1400. Well needless to say the doubt set in and we were hit with unbelief. Did we make a mistake? Are we sure this is the right thing? This is only the 1st payment, if we can't make this how are we going to do the rest? Discouraged is an understatement! I was having a bad day and so was Mel! I spoke with Pastor Brett and realized that I was not trusting in God as our provider! I also forgot that all the money on this planet happens to be Gods, yup even the money in your pocket! LOL, I believe that now! By the end of the day Mel and I decided that we would trust in God in this adoption and that what we were doing was the right thing as we were going to give a child a chance to have a forever family and a shot at being loved by a mommy who was created by God to love her and love her well with a love that she sees in Jesus Christ!



Last night we took time to talk and pray to the God of the Bible, and then today we had what looked like a normal day until we were absolutely blown away by God and His amazing generosity! I was given an envelope and all he said was "I just wanted to help you guys with your adoption!" I was like "hey thanks man" and I put it in my pocket. When Mel got home I said hey we got an envelope from_______ and I opened it! The first thing I looked at was the amount in the little box. $10,000.00 I looked at Mel and said this is not real, I have to admit that there was part of me that was upset that he would do something like this! It is amazing how fast thoughts can go through your mind. I then checked the print in case there was just a misplaced coma or decibel point. Ten thousand dollars! I started to weep as I realized that God had just answered our prayer in a way that only the Creator of all things could! I was then reminded of something I have heard " who are we that you are mindful of us?" So I called him and he very politely said that God had been putting on his heart that he should get rid of some money and he wanted to help us out! He later sent a text that said, "Hey all I ask is that you don't tell people that I gave you money because I don't want a bunch of praise or anything like that. To God alone be the glory." TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY! I have heard stories like these but it is usually people who have 10 X's the faith that I have! But I guess that depends on how you define faith! I don't think it has anything to do with "leap of" I think God defines it in his scriptures. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.





I BELIEVE!



If more people loved like Jesus Christ imagine what the world would look like!



I apologize to all that my life has not always looked like a life lived for Jesus who shed His blood for me! But by His grace and mercy I will continue to grow into the man he created me to be!



Have Faith! Love like Jesus!