Adoption Fundraising Rummage Sale!

So, as many of you know, we are having our rummage sale this week. We are absolutely astounded at the response we received. So many of you have dropped things off, arranged to have things dropped off and many of you did this completely anonymously!

My friend Lindsay came over and looked at the amount of things donated as she sat and stared at our garage and simply said, "I see God". We agree. His provision has been so amazing and encouraging and the fact that He has used so many of you to accomplish His purpose is amazing. The last couple weeks I have been running around trying to get all of these things done, and this morning I am reminded that really without Him working through this, none of this would have happened. It's funny how we lack faith and don't trust that He has what is best for us in mind.

When we lost Zion in Memphis, my heart broke. I felt like it shouldn't, because a lot of people said, "You have two healthy children, be grateful." I know it's true, I do have to healthy, beautiful, soft-hearted, sweet children, but a child doesn't replace a child. It was a unique sense of loss and then guilt for feeling like I shouldn't be mourning because I have a couple other children was downright confusing. I knew something more was to happen. Since we came back, it seems like everything has been harder. Sometimes it just feels like we are treading water. It only occurs to me that I am trying to do life alone, when I feel like I'm about to drown. I have been broken, loved, encouraged, sad, happy, emotional, weepy and numb and my response to His generosity isn't always gracious.

I want to thank so many of you for your love, prayers and encouragement. I was going to be as reserved as possible regarding our new birth mother and situation because I didn't want the public heartbreak we had last time. It seems it's easier to mourn when no one knows than to be repeatedly faced with the fact that we've experienced a public loss. People don't know what to say and most of the time and don't say much because it's sort of awkward. People think in order to speak into a situation, they must first have gone through it. When we see something that we haven't experienced, many times, we say nothing. Silence is ok sometimes too. It's just sort of nice to sit silent with someone.

When we live in private loss, it's easy to give our 'public self' to others that says, "I'm great, I'm awesome, I'm not phased by this!" The reality, is that I've had to repent of my desire to control my feelings so that my 'public self' can maintain in the midst of confusion. I've been faced with the sin in my life that wants to look put together, when inside I'm falling apart. Matt Chandler coined the phrase, "It's ok not to be ok, it's just not ok to stay there." I think the last few months have been up and down, but I think we are finally coming out of "there".

Some of the things that have mattered so much to me have been a friend, Missy, showing up to my house to buy groceries for us--I sent her off with my coupons, a list and some cash. She doesn't have kids, but apparently realized that shopping with a 4 & 5-year-old isn't exactly enjoyable. Another friend, Nate, comes to haul furniture in and out of our garage as we try for the sale and then tells us to go to bed as Zach finishes our dishes. It's nothing huge, but the burden is lightened and we live in community who cares. My friend Joni has come repeatedly, with chicken nuggets, fries and fruit for the kids as we sort...and sort...and sort through the cloths in the garage! It's such a blessing and I have been so encouraged and humbled by others desire to serve.

So...about this baby girl: the due date is August 8th, however, predictions are looking like she will come around July 23. She's in Georgia and we will all go down--we're not sure if we can all fly or if the kids and I will drive, but we will all be there. Leaving the kids last time was so hard and we feel like they need to play a bigger role in ushering in the newest Iverson. We'll be staying somewhere around Savannah, Ga. We don't really know yet, because we can't exactly plan when we will be there. Tickets, rental cars, drive throughs and sleepless nights await and we are excited. We will keep people posted on what's happening, because I feel like everyone around us has played such a huge role in the adoption, it would only seem right to let you know what's up. Some things can't be public, in the interest of the child, closed/open adoption, etc.

But, you can at least have a part of this journey with us. In the meantime...(a shameless plug, I know)...come and shop!!! I'll try and post some pictures of what we have, but there is so much and we want it all to go:)