Home Study II

So, I didn't talk much about our first home study in the last blog. The first one we mostly went through our families of origin and seriously, if we weren't disqualified from it there, we should be good to go!

This second home study was on Saturday morning and we talked about our marriage. It's funny, but they really have to analyze everything in these studies. As we went through and dissected our strengths and weaknesses, it was surprising how honest we were about our struggles. One would think that you would put your best foot forward, but instead, I felt like we were baring quite a lot. I think Lindsey, our SW, must bring the honesty out in us!

Needless to say, after the tears were wiped, and our failures as spouses exposed, I felt strangely closer to James. In our marriage, we have had such ups and downs, but the best part is that our level of transparency with one another has absolutely increased. I think that going into marriage, we say things like, "yeah, I know it'll be hard" and "sure, we know we'll have to work at it," but I think secretly, in the stillness of our hearts, we often mislead ourselves to think, "but we're different because..." or "we're going to try harder than they did" etc, etc. But the reality is that in this process of sanctification, it usually has to get rough before it gets authentically better.

We, like gold, go through that refining process; the gold must be tested at such high heat that all the impurities are brought to the surface, so that the one crafting it can skim those impurities off the top and make their masterpiece a better quality at the end.

At this time, that's where we are. Going through the fire, being tested and ultimately trusting that our Creator is crafting us in such a way to make us better parents, friends and lovers. I love the quote by Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage where he says: "Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings."

In this process of adoption, we are coming against a number of obstacles and it's easy to be overcome with self-doubt, fear and anxiety. It's easy to think to myself, maybe we're not ready because we're so immature sometimes, or maybe once we stop having stupid fights over which thing in the budget stays or goes, we should move forward. I think that we are just in a lifelong process of refining and 'the time' will never come. Despite any book you read or counseling you receive, no one is 'ready' for life. We make choices, which shapes our lives and perceptions and right now, we're we're choosing this. Until the door closes, we're moving forward.

So, thanks friends, for sitting in the front seat and watching it unfold. m